It's really happening

I've written before that for a very (very) long time I have wanted to go on a missions trip. For various reasons that hasn't happened in the past 33 years. I've continued to pray for the opportunity, but also to be patient and wait for God's timing. Not the easiest thing, even though He has given me some great outreach opportunities on a local level. Well, in October the biggest obstacle was removed. Danny finally told me he was ready to let me go!!! I was so excited!!! The trip I had the deep desire to go on was to Wales, but it was only for college age students so I figured God was saying no to it and decided to think towards the Haiti trip. A couple months later I found out that the Wales trip was opened up to all ages. I was even more excited then because I felt like God was giving me that chance to go to a place I just had that "feeling" about. You know that feeling? The one where you can't exactly understand that draw to whatever the "thing" it is.

Danny and I went on a cruise in December. The first night in the dining room we were seated with an older couple who were from....guess??? No really, guess!!! Yes!!! They were from Wales!!! Of all the places in the world thats where they were from. We talked all about the country and some of the history. I got their email address so I could tell them where I was going once I found out the name of the city.

We got home from our trip and I started getting my letter prepared for fundraising. I was waiting on one piece of information before sending them out. When I finally got the info I was told the money was needed by the end of February. I was told this at the beginning of February. I felt very frustrated and upset that I might not be able to go because I couldn't get the money in time. All the while praying that if this wasn't the right thing for God to reveal it to me. I sent the letters and hoped for the best.

We got an email the middle of last week that said we needed to order our plane tix in the next couple of weeks. Well, I was nowhere near having enough and became very discouraged. I talked to my best friend about it and figured that if I didn't get the money in time I would just send everyone's checks back. I was wondering if I had made a mistake, if I had heard God wrong. Well, like He likes to do...my sweet heavenly Father made it abundantly clear that I had indeed heard Him correctly. On Saturday I got a few checks and they totaled the EXACT amount I needed for the plane ticket!!!! I was so happy I couldn't even stand it.

But Sunday hadn't happened yet...

The sermon at church yesterday morning was basically about stepping out in faith and letting God work out all the details and being able to give Him all the glory for it. As I was listening I was just smiling thinking that God was in the midst of working out the details and I was able to just watch and enjoy. I had been given a couple checks in church, but didn't open them until I got in the car. When I opened them I about had a heart attack. I couldn't (still can't) believe the generosity of the people in my life. I was absolutely speechless most of the way home. I was in tears at one point because I was so overwhelmed with God's kindness...and His timing.

Now, I'm more nervous than ever...because unless something major happens - I AM GOING TO WALES!!! I AM GOING ON MY FIRST MISSIONS TRIP!!!! I'm excited, scared, anxious, everything!!!  I'm sad that my mom isn't here to share all this with, even though I believe she is telling our Father how thankful she is that He has taken such good care of me.

I'm trying to put into words how I feel and it's really not possible. However, this song explains it pretty well :):)

 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. "

Ephesians 3:20-21

 

(this was the verse that the sermon was preached from yesterday...

see what I mean about how cool our God is??)

Really God???

If you haven known me for any length of time, you know that I am not exactly a "kid person". I love my own and my friends kids...but that's generally about it. Sounds mean, I know.

I've worked in ETC at church because it's a duty (having my own in the nursery), not because there was this desperate desire to be with children.

I'm not even sure when it started, probably sometime the beginning of the year, I started having new feelings towards the kids each month. I remember being very surprised one month when I purely enjoyed my time with them. I began to enjoy it more and more and then *SHOCK* I started to enjoy being around kids I would randomly meet out in public. Somehow I knew better what to say to them, or I would joke with them and have fun. I remember thinking to myself, "God, please tell me you aren't preparing me to work with kids."

I'm sure He had a good chuckle when I said that. :)

Fastforward to June. There was a last minute need at VBS for a Kindergarten teacher. There had already been stirrings of "should I get more involved with kids?" so I decided to give it a shot. I figured it would be a nice short term thing that would tell me if this is what I wanted to do. At the end of the week I said to numerous people, "I loved it and had a blast, but I could never do this on a weekly basis."

I'm sure God laughed even harder that time :)

This past Sunday was my first official Sunday as a preschool teacher!! I wasn't looking to do it, but there was a need and as I prayed about it, it became glaringly obvious that God wanted me to do it. When I looked back over the past months I could see the progression to this place. I am so sad to leave my dearest friends from my Sunday School class, but I'm even more excited about this new adventure!!!

But as in everything...I can't help but think of my mom. She was a fantastic preschool leader and while I wish so badly that she could be here to help and encourage me, I know she is rooting me on from Paradise. Since she was so creative with her kids, I get the opportunity to use a lot of her handmade things in my class. I'm so excited to teach these children the same way I've seen her teach children in the past. I pray that God uses me the same way He used her.

I am so amazed at the plans God has for His children and I feel so fortunate to be a part of His plan!!!

"Yet for love's sake" Part 2

Well, today was a pretty darn good day.

We got to the conference in PLENTY of time…we were able to get front row(of our section) seats and they were better than last night. I got a chance to visit with a sweet friend I very rarely get to see too.

The praise team began with more Christmas music. It was so fantastic. That man (Travis Cottrell) can just flat out sing. Actually when Beth Moore got up to speak she said something like, “people wonder if that ever gets old to us and trust me, it never does.”

Even during the Christmas music, God was just speaking all over me!! I love “Joy to the World” and particularly the last verse:

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

Well today while singing it, it kinda said something I’d never “heard” before. That He MAKES the nations prove His glory and the wonder of His love. I guess for this season of life it was encouraging to hear.

Then he sang “O Holy Night”. This was my mom’s favorite Christmas song. As he was singing it I was trying really hard to use my imagination to imagine that night. And I really felt for a while like I was able to see and feel how that night happened. I’m sure it didn’t happen exactly like I was imagining, but it was neat to just stop for a few minutes and really put myself there.

He sang another song I’d never heard before and it was after that one that Beth made the above comment. Worship this weekend was just PHENOMENAL!!! There are seriously no words to describe it!

Now on to the teaching!! Within the first 5 minutes I was crying because she was talking about moms and actually asked people who had lost their moms to raise their hands. She told a story that was an encouragement because now I know that in 40 years I am going to miss her just as much as I do today.

I’ll be honest…after last night’s session I was kind of wondering what it was that God had for me. I was trying to figure it out and not coming up with anything. Well today I definitely got spoken to!! Probably the thing I liked the most was from Philemon 1:15: “For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever,” The point being that we won’t know this side of Heaven what the reason is for whatever God has chosen or allowed for us, but that “perhaps” it could be any number of things. That is just very freeing. A few of the other snippets were:

We can live with pain better than we can live with purposelessness.

That which makes us the most joyful isn’t always what makes us the most useful.

You will never be more like Christ than when you grace someone who does not deserve it

I’ve never studied Philemon before and I really found it fascinating. I learned a lot that I had never known. Even some very interesting facts that help clear up some confusion in some recent Sunday School lessons. I just love learning how alive God’s Word truly is.

One of the greatest moments of the day was when I got to pray with a dear friend. This girl has such a big heart and it’s so broken. I pray for total healing and restoration for her all the time. She gave me the most wonderful gift though, she told me that she could hear my mom talking as I was talking. I couldn’t help but smile. My mom was such an encourager and it’s such a compliment to be compared to her in any way. I hope my friend knows how much that meant to me.

Beth Moore told a very personal story and got very emotional. In all the studies we’ve done, I’ve never seen her cry to the point where she couldn’t talk or need tissues. I just love her transparency.

The closing worship was just as good as all the rest and I truly did not want it to end. We didn’t even know what to say to each other on the way to the car. I really do wish these conferences were longer.

We had a blast the rest of the day…just being silly and crazy. We walked on the beach, took tons of pictures, went to the boardwalk, laughed ridiculously hard all night, went to eat, locked Mandi and Mandy out of the car and made them dance so we would open the door (even though they were expecting it and were much too compliant), we went to the pool/hot tub and laughed even more. Then we watched a movie. The sissies are in bed, but Ashley and I are sitting on the balcony right now listening to the ocean and sipping our hot chocolate. I’m writing and she’s reading. I’m soooooo relaxed!!

This weekend has been just perfect. I really can’t remember the last time I have laughed so hard and so much in such a short amount of time. This trip was perfect timing too. I think we all (for our own respective reasons) just needed some rest and relaxation. But we also needed some time to get to know our Father more. It’s just been great that it’s all been rolled into one weekend!

"Yet for love's sake" Part 1

I’ve got a lot to say so I gotta start writing so I don’t forget it all!

The Beth Moore “Living Proof” event started tonight. I’ve been praying for a couple days that we would all get specific messages from God. We had a great drive to Pensacola, a little excitement in getting locked out of our condoJ and made some good memories.

We got to the civic center and got some really great seats.

Worship started. If you have never been to a Travis Cottrell concert, I imagine this is what Heaven has to be like…at least a little bit J I’m not even sure the name of the first worship song, it’s one I’ve heard and sang a hundred times before there was one line that really spoke to me. (so of course God answered my prayer almost immediately) The lyric is “our God is Healer, awesome in power…” I’ve been praying for the past year that He would heal my mom. And even though I already knew it, it was just an IN YOUR FACE reminder that He gave her the ultimate healing. I couldn’t help but smile J

We sang a hymn medley that I really liked a lot and then came to one of my favorites. Now, some backstory: 2 years ago at the Beth Moore Living Proof Simulcast I asked for God to give me a specific gift to show me that He loved me and I asked to sing a particular song – one that was really ministering to me at the time. And it was this same song…”Revelation Song”. I remember when I heard the first few notes a couple years ago just immediately welling up with tears because I knew He was giving me what I had asked for. Well tonight when I heard the first few notes I just smiled remembering that gift from 2 years ago. As we began to sing the song though, it took on a whole new meaning. We sang the chorus once and I  As we got to the chorus:

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore You…!

All I could do was begin to weep because this was exactly what my mom was singing to her Savior! I couldn’t help but smile and cry imagining her in that setting. I guess there were some tears of sadness, but mostly it was tears of joy, because she was finally where she was meant to be and doing what she was created for – worshiping Christ. As we continued to sing I began to think of it as both of us were singing and worshiping before the Throne of Grace – she was just a little closer than I was J

We sang a song I’d never heard before, I’m thinking maybe he had written it and it was just beautiful and really spoke to me. I kinda think that the music spoke to me more tonight than anything. When we ended for the night we sang “In Christ Alone” which speaks for itself and if you’ve never heard him do it live you are totally missing out and  “I Love You Lord” which is one of my all time favorite worship songs from back in the day. I know I say “favorite” a lot, but I just love so many of themJ

I definitely feel like the music spoke to me more tonight than anything else. Maybe tomorrow will be different, but either way I am expecting God to speak in some way J

I love how God has orchestrated things ahead of time. He knew that leading a Beth Moore study right now would have just been impossible. I actually finished up the last session of "Stepping Up" a week and a half before my mom died. It's also given other ladies an opportunity to lead, however...I have to say that I am really missing it. I feel a desire to lead again. I am praying and asking God if my motives are pure or not. I don't want to do it out of pride and I just don't know if that desire is pure or not. I think maybe the Holy Spirit just gave me an idea...:) If I can lead again come the new year I'm supposed to, and if I can't, then I'm not supposed to. We have limited studies on Wednesday nights and there may not be room for me to lead. Not sure if that is from Him or not...guess I'll just keep praying about it :)

Too tired to post much tonight other than to say how amazed I am at how the love of the Father can quiet a heart in such a sorrowful time. He is so amazing and I'm so glad I can't comprehend Him.

God is ridiculously cool!!

Right now is a very confusing, stressful, exhausting time in my life. Last night I just felt there was no way I was going to handle this. I had been reminded the night before about how so often we just "eat the seed" of the Word instead of actually "sowing it". I prayed that I wouldn't just keep eating it.

This morning I was getting ready to do a day of "Stepping Up". One of the things we are to do is pray prostrate on the floor before starting the study. I was on the floor asking God to quiet me, to sing over me because I simply knew I couldn't get through the next "however long" without Him doing that for me. Well, in God's "coolness" this is the scripture we were studying today:

Lord, my heart is not proud;
my eyes are not haughty.
I do not get involved with things
too great or too difficult for me.

Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself
like a little weaned child with its mother;
I am like a little child.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
both now and forever.  (Psalm 131)

It's verses 2-3 that really jumped out at me...obviously :) At this point...He still used v.1 later  though for a different issue:) It's just like God to answer your prayer in such a neat way. I'm going to type a lot of the exerpts from the lesson today because they are just sooooo good!!!

"Psalm 131 reminds us the words of God are not primarily for seminaries, dissertations and theological treatises. They are primarily for everyday living on the third rock from the sun..."  and another "It reminds me that the lofty words of God were meant for the lowlands of planet Earth."

Verse 1 talked about being prideful and how we get ourselves in over our heads in situations. Which I know I am so guilty of lately. She had us read Deuteronomy 29:29 to helps us know when a matter is too great for us. The answer being that what He has revealed to us as opposed to what He has kept seceret to Himself. Then she goes on to say: "The things God has revealed are meant for us to study, ponder, teach and share though even then with discrection and wisdom regarding our hearer's capacity to handle them. The secret things however, belong to God - for instance, exactly why planes hit buildings, tsunamis hit cities and children get cancer."

She talks about shutting our mouths at times instead of just talking like we know what we are talking about (or because we are just so overwhelmed):

"The primary reason we are sometimes at a loss for words is that we SHOULD BE at a loss for words. We're in over our heads and silence is our best option. And when the time for words does come, we're wisest to say what is true, 'I just dont know why things like this happen, but I'm so so sorry.' "

I know in my own life right now I feel like I've opened my mouth way too many times lately when I should have just said "I dont know and I'm sorry". I pray I won't forget this lesson. But it's also been a good reminder that it's ok to not know all the answers. I mean, until we reach Glory we really CAN'T know the complete answer answer. In our communication with God I am so grateful that we are allowed to be honest and say whatever it is we need to say. That we can ask Him why. Tell Him we don't know why He is allowing this. But realizing we also need to proclaim what we do know to be true about God - that He is compassionate, and gracious, slow to anger and rich in love, faithful, forgiving, etc"

This was the final quote of the day and again it spoke to me very personally:

"I do not seek , O Lord, to penetrate thy depths. I by no means think my intellect equal to them; but I long to understand in some degree thy truth, which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe, that I may understand." (Anselm - an 11th century monk)